二十七 愧疚(1 / 1)

异度新语 木上 0 字 2021-03-16

二十七 愧疚

一九八八年,山东莱芜山区,隆冬一日晚,一辆长途公交车于起伏不平之路行驶,摇晃其身驶入终点站,雪后路滑,车误点至站时,已夜幕降临。车门打开,一身材高大之中年男子手提大包随众乘客下车,其向两侧张望,欲寻马车以雇之。

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此男姓姜名明,峪村人氏,乃莱芜市法院之法官也,其闻母病重之讯,急回家探视。其尚需行十余里山路才至家,夜幕下,无车可雇,其不得而已欲入车站候车室过夜,待次日天明再行之。朦胧月光下,忽见一身着破皮袄之老车夫赶马车而来,姜明细视之,大为震惊,吁!此乃许大伯?然也!两年未见,其显老矣,须发花白,背驼腰弯,饱经风霜之脸又添诸多皱纹,双目仍炯然,其嘴唇禁闭,眉头紧锁,表情深沉,赶车奔姜明而来。

姜明见许大伯,心慌意乱,十八年前之一幕闪出:十八年前,十四岁之姜明与许大伯之长子藤儿乃伙伴也,藤儿比姜明大一岁,两家又近邻,兄弟俩形影不离,感情笃深。

中秋一日午后,姜明与藤儿提篮至村外山沟采摘野酸枣。姜明持柳条篮,藤儿所持篮乃竹篮也。酸枣满篮,二人于崎岖之沟侧小路满载而归,于此高兴之时,姜明不慎,脚滑,滚入山沟之激流内,藤儿见之,弃竹篮,惊呼跳入激流救之,藤儿数次将姜明托出水面,姜明拼死爬上岸,然藤儿筋疲力尽,沉入水内。姜明见状,疾呼来人救命,村内众人闻声赶至,藤儿已溺亡,被激流冲至下游。天黑时众人寻得其尸,许大伯与大娘抱藤儿之尸嚎啕不止,姜明恐呆,当众人问及时,其不敢实言,竟言藤儿掉入水内,其一手抓住岸边草丛,另一手拉藤儿,然无果,藤儿随流去矣。

此事无人知实情,唯姜明知藤儿为救其而亡也,其瞒此已十八年,未向众邻言实情,其父母亦不知也。愧疚之情如重石压心,姜明思之:若藤儿不因救吾而亡;若许大伯之次子绳儿不因犯法而入狱,何其乐哉!姜明不敢再思之,将目光缩回,欲转身佯未见之,然晚矣,老人赶车已至,于其后而仰面曰:“同志,请上车!”姜明心颤之,咦!唤吾同志何意也?莫非许大伯不识吾?两年未见岂能不识之?噢!知矣,其不问吾何往,定已识之,其乃嫌吾未先招呼而嗔之。

姜明不安上车,许大伯甩鞭,吆喝,马车向前行之,其亦纵身上车,马踏雪月,车上山路。路两侧白雪皑皑,朔风卷雪花袭来,姜明坐于车帮之上,倍感寒意,其裹紧大衣,将头埋于衣领之内。山路无另车,唯此马车顶风夜行之。老人扬鞭赶车,默不作声。姜明寂寞难忍,其抬头,寻话而言之:“大伯,今夜寒风冷矣。”许大伯冷笑曰:“赶车者不畏冷,此寒风不足惧也。”许大伯名庆云,乃复员军人,复原后担任生产队长、赶车熟练,乃当年有名之车把势也。姜明又寻话曰:“此山路比以前宽矣。”许大伯接言曰:“道越走越宽,若越走越窄,人尚有何生路也?”其目视前方,头亦不回,仍只顾赶车,言语冷淡,姜明难以受之。姜明再寻话而夸曰:“许大伯,汝赶车之技仍熟练无比。”许大伯轻松而平静曰:“吾老矣,待绳儿出狱,让其继之。”姜明闻此言,心惴然,忆起两年前之一幕:

两年前,许大伯之次子绳儿加入盗窃团伙,窃电缆之时被捕。此盗窃案恰由姜明主审。姜母劝其曰:“许家霉运矣,藤儿亡后,生计紧缩,绳儿一时糊涂入歧途,视乡亲之面,汝放宽尺度,放绳儿归矣。”对此案,姜明痛苦之极,母之劝让其苦涩难言,其何尝不欲放之?释放绳儿以报许家救命之恩,以此弥补愧疚也,然其不敢徇私而为之。其无奈而曰:“此案重大,牵扯极广,盗窃团伙之头目乃副市长之子也,上级下令,不准徇私枉法,尽管绳儿乃从犯,吾无策可救矣!”开庭审判之时,姜明秉公执法,忍痛判绳儿三年徒刑。许大娘闻之,急火攻心,咽气而亡。姜明闻许大娘卒之讯,痛心疾首,暗自流泪,数日难寝。

许大伯一声嗽将姜明从忆中唤回,其欲释言以慰老人,然不知其从何而言,遂曰:“绳儿之事,吾,吾不能……” 许大伯长叹而自责曰:“绳儿之事源于吾,乃吾教子不严,宠其而促也。自藤儿亡,吾将其视如目珠,然其颓废而不求上进,不行正道而行邪路,孰能救之?如今似绳儿之事广矣,不责子反而贿于法庭,护子脱罪,错之加错!绳儿之事,汝对也,吾不怪汝。”许大伯之言通情达理,姜明所虑顿然冰释。

许大伯持鞭指山路之车辙,续曰:“车有车辙,人有人道,以正道行之,焉能陷于狱内?现为官者,贪污**非寡矣,国法欲惩之,其上司护之,干尽伤天害理之事!”姜明闻此激言而惭愧,其忆曾审贪污案多件,然受阻极大,无一落锤,其惧丢法官之职,不敢深究,愧疚之情撞其心,其全身栗然,羞愧低首而无言以对矣。

许大伯扬鞭催马,头不回续曰:“吾言之,人应依法办事,事实求是,吾言对否?”闻许大伯之问,姜明愧疚之心愈发震颤,不敢答之。此时,其欲将十八年前之实情道出,将压心口重石除之,然其无勇气道出,惧失法官之面也。事发至今,藤儿之身影常于其心现之,救其一幕没齿难忘也,愧疚之情无休折磨其灵魂。于政法学院就读之时,于法院工作之时,其常于梦中见藤儿,于三日前,其复梦藤儿,于梦中,藤儿握其手求曰:“绳儿之事与吾母之亡,吾不怪汝,汝对之,唯吾父孤苦伶仃度日,求汝关照之。”醒后,忆梦中情景,让其心神不定。适才于车站恰遇许大伯,愈发忐忑不安也。

忽一阵小旋风迎面吹至,姜明被沙迷目,其用手揉之,睁泪目视之,似见赶车者非许大伯,乃藤儿扬鞭赶车也,其大骇,头晕身晃,险栽落车下。其紧抓车帮,睁双目细视之,赶车者乃许大伯也,何来藤儿?莫非适才瞀视之?姜明稍定神,于怀中取香烟,抽出一支,谓许大伯曰:“大伯,请吸之。”许大伯拒曰:“不,忌矣,现吾烟酒全忌矣,吾欲节资,闻此山路欲铺沥青,汽车欲行之……”不等老人言罢,姜明急切问之:“汽车若行之,岂不断汝生意耶?”姜明为许大伯日后生计而担忧。许大伯却曰:“正如此,吾节资欲购面包车,待绳儿归家,吾父子节衣缩食而购之,由其驾驶,让其永沿正道行之!”姜明闻罢,知老人末句乃一语双关也。

马车至村口,许大伯勒马而停车曰:“村路难行,车难掉头,明子,汝于此下车归也。”姜明闻老人呼其乳名,倍感亲切,已久未闻之。姜明下车,掏钞欲付车资,谓之曰:“大伯,给汝车资。”许大伯慷慨而拒之曰:“不,车资免矣。”姜明知己身有零资,然其不取,却从内衣取一张百元大钞递之曰:“不,安能白劳也?”许大伯见大钞而苦笑曰:“如何?用大钞唬吾?”姜明将大钞硬塞至许大伯手中而曰:“不,大伯,不用赎矣,此乃给汝……” 下面之语其不知如何言之。许大伯曰:“不,汝若强付资,吾不客气,赎齐矣。”遂取钞,推让而赎齐。

姜明取提包,礼让曰。“大伯,请至吾家歇矣。”老人婉言拒之曰:“不,现已深夜,吾不扰之,明子,汝母病虽重,然见汝归之,病遂轻矣,父母孰能不盼子归也?”许大伯言罢,遂赶车欲返。姜明闻此言似电击般巨痛,木然片刻,心中暗曰:许大伯,汝不知藤儿为吾而亡,若藤儿未亡,已娶妻养子,汝已享天伦之乐矣,何受此困乎?其欲将实情言之,然许大伯已驱车远矣,其喟然返家。

姜明入家,见母颓然卧炕,母见子夜归,惊喜强起身,老泪纵横之,母子相拥良久。母问曰:“儿乘何而来?”姜明答曰:“吾乘许大伯马车而来?”母大惊曰:“何以?许大伯之马车?许大伯昨日已亡矣!”姜明闻罢,汗毛乍起,惧然问之:“何已亡?”母曰:“其赶车至崖边,雪后路滑,不慎,随车马坠崖矣!现棺柩停于其堂上。”姜明惊骇,从衣内取许大伯赎资细观之,乃冥币也,即冷汗淋漓,色变之。母又曰:“现警狱准绳儿三日假,回家治丧,今夜于家内守灵。”姜明闻罢,转骇为稍安,冲出家门于不顾,狂奔至许家。

姜明至许家,果见许大伯之棺柩停于堂屋,柩前赫然立“许庆云之灵位”之牌,绳儿守灵于侧。姜明噗然跪倒,声泪俱下,嚎啕曰:“许大伯,吾愧对汝,今吾道实情,十八年前,吾提篮落水,乃藤儿下水救吾而亡,吾竟言吾救藤儿不及,吾丧尽天良隐瞒至今,哀哉!吾愧恨之极,吁唏哀哉!哀哉!……”

绳儿闻言,起身至里屋,从一箱内取出两只篮子,提至姜明面前,叙曰:“明子兄,请节哀,吾兄救汝之实情吾家早已知之。”姜明惊视两只篮,认出其一柳篮乃当年己所用,另一竹篮乃藤儿所用也。绳儿续曰:“吾兄亡后,吾父甚思之,哭于其亡之地,偶见河内有只柳篮漂之,吾父见此皆明之,吾兄之竹篮酸枣满矣,弃之沟边,定乃汝持柳篮不慎落水,吾兄弃竹篮,后跳入水中救汝。”姜明泪流满面,点首曰:“然也,此实情也。”

绳儿指竹篮内酸枣干曰:“吾兄采之酸枣,吾全家不忍食之,将其晾成枣干,留至今,吾父告诫吾不准将实情言之于邻,……”言至此,绳儿泣不成声。

姜明从竹篮取一把酸枣干,双手捧起,浑身颤抖,愧汗淋漓,痛曰:“呜呼!藤儿兄,吾之亲兄也!”其身瘫软于地,仰面朝天,干张大口,嚎不出声,其痛心疾首之极也。

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