第1558章 放下,放过(1 / 1)

秦佔在叫闵姜西的时候,就知道她梦见了什么,见她双眼漫无焦距的看着某处,他心疼的帮她擦掉脸上的泪,低声说:“爸妈不会走的。”秦佔本想说,他们不会扔下你一个人,可闵姜西毕竟不是三岁的孩子,有没有被扔下,她心里早就有了定义,正因为无法改变,所以才会痛苦,不甘,哪怕备受折磨,却又变态的甘之如饴。闵姜西没看秦佔,呆呆地望着某处,仿佛那里坐的还是另外三人,她眼里的希冀多于悲伤,轻声道:“我好久没一次性梦见他们三个了。”秦佔稍一过脑就知道是哪三个,径自说:“你今天去看他们,他们都知道,别哭,他们看见会心疼。”眼泪无声流下,快速晕染在枕套里,闵姜西神情平静,声音也很淡定:“北方说上车饺子下车面,他们吃了饺子,给我煮了一碗面,说吃完就走,让我回家。”秦佔闻言,心口猝不及防被刺了一剑,这世上没有感同身受,但闵姜西只要疼上一分,就足够他疼上十分。一言不发,秦佔默默的将闵姜西揽到怀里,闵姜西声音如常:“我没事。”秦佔道:“不用非要没事,我不会劝你放下,任何人都不会逼你非要忘记,你就记着,心里难受,想他们的时候,关上门,我陪你哭。”闵姜西勾起唇角,想到秦佔跟她对哭的场面,滑稽。秦佔没看闵姜西的脸,只说了两个字:“别笑。”他注定无法弥补闵姜西心里的遗憾,但是最起码,他不要她强颜欢笑。闵姜西说:“我不想跟你一起抱头痛哭,我怕我笑出来。”秦佔很低的声音问:“我做什么,你心里能好受一点?”闵姜西抬手搂住秦佔的腰,他抱她多紧,她就回抱他多紧,带着几分温柔的口吻回道:“自信点,你不说你的出现就是因为我的存在嘛,什么都不用做,待着就行。”很多人都很需要秦佔,但只有闵姜西一个人,只需要待着的秦佔。秦佔不是第一次生出无力感,他只能把手臂收的更紧,希望强势融入的占有欲,可以冲淡闵姜西无家可归的孤独感。闵姜西抬手摸了摸秦佔的后脑,类似安抚:“别担心,我想开了,放他们走,他们有他们的生活,我也有我自己的生活。”话虽如此,可秦佔分明感受到流进他脖颈的滚热液体,喉咙很痒,秦佔低声道:“别勉强自己,失去不是你选的,接受你更不用选。”闵姜西道:“我只是接受他们已经不在了,不想再自欺欺人,一次次在梦里执着还能把他们带回来,外婆说她很担心我,我妈说她想我,我爸…他说从来没有怪过我……”秦佔小心翼翼,不知难过和开心哪个比重更大,说到底,他还是私心闵姜西能放过自己。闵姜西闭着眼睛,一遍遍回忆尚能记清的梦境,“我会一辈子想着,但不想再看见他们难过的样子,以后不用再担心我了。”秦佔险些哭出来,激动的哭,高兴的哭。闵姜西眼泪止住半晌,才发现秦佔脸上是湿的,她问:“你怎么又哭了?”秦佔闭着眼睛道:“没有。”说完,又补了一句:“你蹭我脸上了。”闵姜西斜眼一瞥,“我还蹭你枕头垫上了?”秦佔一声不吭,闵姜西抬手去扒他眼皮,秦佔拉住她的手腕,闵姜西道:“你睁开眼睛让我看看。”秦佔言简意赅:“睡觉。”闵姜西说:“以前怎么没发现你这么爱哭。”秦佔:“后悔了?”闵姜西:“也没到后悔的地步。”秦佔:“那到哪步?”闵姜西毫不犹豫:“略有嫌弃。”秦佔像是早有预料,就等她这句话,闵姜西话音刚落,秦佔迅猛出手,直击闵姜西肋骨,闵姜西本不是个怕痒的人,但是出于危机保护,还是本能的缩起,两人在床上扑腾着闹成一团。老房子,老床,老装修,就连跟隔壁的墙都是用预制板隔出来的,动静稍微大点儿,隔壁就会有所耳闻。秦嘉定躺在隔壁床上,没睡觉,刚跟秦仹在微信上聊了几句,秦仹话里话外都是想叫他去国外住几天,被秦嘉定一句“二婶心情不好,我陪她一阵”给打发掉。退出微信,刚打开游戏,床头后便传来扑通声,刚开始还吓了秦嘉定一跳,紧接着床板声再起,隐隐约约伴着秦佔的说话声,秦嘉定下意识的想要仔细听,但这种念头才起了几秒,随后突然意识到什么,赶紧手忙脚乱的从包里掏出耳机盒,把耳朵塞起来。他已经十六七,真的不是小孩子了,尤其在国外待得一年,像他这个年纪的男男女|女,对象都不知道换了几波,他有次逃课去体育馆打篮球,本以为一个人没有,谁知道从后排爬起两个衣衫不整的,原本秦嘉定可以走,但对方看他的眼神,分明带着嫌他没眼力见儿的不爽,好,秦嘉定把头一扭,扬手投了一球,他还不走了,比谁脸皮厚,反正他又不是光腚的那个。约好了五点出门,秦佔四点五十五敲了秦嘉定房门,秦嘉定声音清醒:“进来。”秦佔推开门,看着穿戴好坐在椅子上玩手机的秦嘉定,“你没睡觉?””没有。”本来想睡,突然被惊着,这个过程没必要详说。秦佔把门关上,神神秘秘,压低声音问:“你之前说什么了?”正赶上秦嘉定一把打完,他抬起头,“什么时候?”秦佔:“烧纸的时候。”秦嘉定:“怎么了?”秦佔:“她中午做了个梦,起来就说再也不钻牛角尖了。”秦嘉定沉吟片刻:“看来送麻将桌是对的。”

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