第1475章 总有人拉她出绝望(1 / 1)

秦佔抬手将闵姜西揽到怀里,什么都没说,闵姜西闭上眼睛,只能靠秦佔的体温,努力把自己从绝望愧疚的深渊里往回拉,她不停地对自己说:不能崩溃,不能崩溃,她还有秦佔,还有乖乖,还有那些至今都不敢打电话,却一直小心翼翼担心她的人。无声的调节呼吸,闵姜西把情绪控制在冷静范围之内,秦佔的怀抱不仅温暖,还让她无比的安心,闵姜西昨晚本就没睡好,窝着窝着,又睡着了。这一觉睡了三个多小时,闵姜西没换姿势,秦佔更是一动没动,再睁眼,入目就是秦佔的胸口,闵姜西微微扬头,看到秦佔也在睡觉,熟悉的脸,熟悉的高挺鼻梁,唯独那两只肿眼皮让人跳戏,身体慢慢抬起,后移,闵姜西想退开,让秦佔睡得舒服点,结果刚动了一下,秦佔马上睁眼,眼底都是红血丝。“醒了?”秦佔迷迷糊糊的问。闵姜西说:“你再睡会儿。”秦佔马上问:“你去哪?”闵姜西说:“我去洗手间,你睡吧,等下我直接下楼吃饭。”秦佔坐起来,“我也睡醒了,跟你一起下去。”闵姜西道:“你确定要下去?别等到缓过神来,说我没提醒你。”秦佔迟疑数秒,“想吃什么?让人送上来。”闵姜西说:“我不太饿,喝点东西就行。”说话间,闵姜西掀开被子下床,不是秦佔不去扶,而是闵姜西整个孕期如往常般动作麻利,要不是他时常提醒,闵姜西还试过鲤鱼打挺的下床方式。看着依旧纤细的背影,秦佔担心,嘱咐道:“慢一点。”闵姜西头也不回,“知道了,每天啰嗦。”房门一关,当两人分别处于独立空间内,皆是换了副表情,秦佔不再装一如既往,闵姜西也不再演无动于衷,不是两人故意粉饰太平,而是人骨子里就要有私人空间,这样才足以安放脱掉面具后的脸。闵姜西站在洗手台前,镜子中熟悉的面孔,盯久了逐渐变得陌生,都说相由心生,她小时候很爱笑的,照片中也总是上扬着唇角,不像现在,没表情时唇角是平的,大家都说她好看,可她却从眉眼间看出了刻薄和讨厌。她十几年如一日的怨恨着姜远,在无数次的期待破灭后,不仅一次恶毒的想过,既然不会再回来,那就彻底消失好了。眼泪掉下来,闵姜西一眨不眨,她不知道该怪谁,如果这是她许下的愿望,那老天帮她达成了,而且是在很早很早之前。她说做家人最要讲义气,可是最不讲义气的人就是她,姜远消失的时候,闵仪疯狂的到处找她,直到自杀前都没有放弃过,反倒是她,她单方面的宣布姜远跟她,跟这个家再也没有关系,拒绝再见,二十几年,如果她有一刻付诸过行动,有一刻坚定过姜远不会抛弃妻女,是不是……是不是姜远也不会孤零零的躺在那里这么多年。她在心里怨恨的时候,姜远会知道吗?他会伤心吗?她带闵仪的骨灰离开冬城时,姜远是不是拼尽全力的大声嘶喊过,叫她别走,别抛下他一个人……绝望蔓延全身,闵姜西死盯着镜中煞白的脸,根本不知道自己已经半晌没有呼吸,她恨不能被埋起来的人是自己,姜远肯定掘地三尺也会把她找出来,而她算什么?她算什么女儿,算什么家人,算什么东西!垂在腿侧的指尖,控制不住的发抖,脸色也由于过久的窒息而变得青白,闵姜西完全动弹不了,像是土埋脖颈,直到有人猛地蹬了她一脚,这一脚踹得有些重,闵姜西本能的蹙了下眉,伸手捂住肚子。光是这一脚还没完,闵姜西隔着睡衣看到肚子一鼓一鼓,犹如孙悟空在太上老君的八卦炉里,翻了天了。乖乖平日里雷打不动,胎心监测都要靠晃的人,突然这样,闵姜西一下从回忆跌到现实,抱着肚子,小声叫道:“乖乖,乖乖,你还好吗?”不知是妈妈的安抚,还是妈妈的声音,乖乖动作逐渐变小,闵姜西却突然泪涌眼眶,“对不起啊…”她真的没用,做不了好女儿,也做不了好妈妈。眼泪掉在睡衣上,乖乖恰好又动了一下,闵姜西赶忙抬手抹掉眼泪,尽量语气平稳的说:“没事,我没事,好得很。”乖乖微微一动,闵姜西摸了摸他动弹的位置,轻声问:“我影响到你的心情了吗?”乖乖没反应,闵姜西自顾说:“你脾气还怪大的,像谁?你外公没了,我还不能伤心难过一下吗?”好巧不巧,乖乖又动了一下,闵姜西挑眉,“你在跟我叫板吗?那是我爸,我可以为了你稍微注意一下情绪,你能不能也照顾照顾我的心情?我是你妈,不是一个没有感情的容器。”门外传来熟悉的声音:“西宝。”闵姜西回应:“干嘛?”秦佔问:“你在干嘛?”闵姜西看了眼镜子,哭过的痕迹并不明显,但秦佔肯定会发现,她出声回道:“我还能在厕所里吃饭吗?”秦佔说:“慢点,有事叫我。”闵姜西:“知道了,五分钟。”秦佔离开后,闵姜西长舒了口气,再低头看肚子,乖乖已经不动了,闵姜西伸手轻轻摸了下,低声道:“别跟你爸学,成天盯着我,小心我孤立你们两个。”从洗手间出去,秦佔已经坐在外客厅沙发上等着,桌上放了好些吃的,流食居多,秦佔打量闵姜西的脸,没从她脸上看出太多异样,或者说看出来,但是不想戳破,成年人之间的默契,总要留给对方一寸发泄的空间。闵姜西不想吃东西,又不能不吃,所以退而求其次,选择喝的,只要张嘴往里咽就行。秦佔也食欲不好,跟着一起味同嚼蜡,中途两人闲聊,快吃完时,秦佔说:“你要有空就给江东打个电话。”闵姜西闻言,侧头看向秦佔,秦佔垂着视线吃东西,不咸不淡的说:“省得他跑我这默默叨叨,懒得应付他。”

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